kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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