Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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