if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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