I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
