cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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