Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
