Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
