I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im holly from the hills drunk
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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