if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
