I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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