I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
