I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
