I hope mine doesn't look like that
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
