When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
