I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
