Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
