If that was your dad, he is hot
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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