thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
