what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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