The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
