The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
