gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
