i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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