this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
