It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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