guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
