Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
