I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
