You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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