i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize