I wish I only lived at night.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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