apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
