Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
