i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
