If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
