Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
