I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize