Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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