they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
