Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
