I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
