I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
