you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize