on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
