so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
