we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
