Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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