omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dick very happy bro
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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