I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
try to milk me bitch
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
