Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
